Where should this one start, the half pound red velvet cupcakes that I stumbled upon on a rainy Wednesday, or the red velvet pancakes that made a Friday morning a special period? Or how about the fact that Nationals Park is overtly sexual in everyway? Screw it, bring on the American-sized cupcakes!
Let me say it for you---Holy S%#t. Yes, two cupcakes that stood in for my bicep workout for my week. DC finally did it. In previous posts I did not believe that I would ever be brought into the cupcake camp. After probably 2 pounds of cupcake, I am sold. Crumbs up there on 17th & Something caught my eye walking back on an alternate route from work. It was raining, windy, and I had no umbrella, but I did find cupcakes. I was walking down the road, looked right, and BAM! a shelf full of gigantic CC's caught me eye. They even sell ones that are bigger than newborn babies...just saying. I figured to get a red velvet, simple, decadent, but a good bakery standard (like General Tsao's at Chinese places). And of course, I could not simply walk by the monstrosity that was a "blackout CC," a fudgy icing plastered with crushed Oreo (one of many weaknesses in this world). To sum up those preceding minutes, I shall do so in four words: Wow, Really?, F#@k me.
So, a bacon fiesta last week, cupcakes mid-week, and a week full of events with pastries should be aptly capped off with ridiculous pancakes. Try a carrot cake and 2 red velvet pancakes that met the Aaron Pancake Deliciousness Standards (or APDS for acronym sake). I told the waiter that I was a pancake master, and well, needed to get at least one of each of those glorious and adventurous cakes (where I haven't been yet...). He happily obliged. And of course, I ordered bacon, you may be saying, "This guy is digusting!" but I say, "Why the hell not? Could you turn down black pepper maple bacon slabs that are a quarter-inch thick and a foot long?" Yea no I'm neither crazy or gastronomically hard to look at, I'm quite human thanks. Anyways, I was perplexed when my coffee came, nice sized coffee that was fresh and roasty, and a little tin of milk. It provoked a "WTF???" moment. Luckily, my inherent breakfast skills said, "Just put the white stuff in the tin in the coffee, everything will be okay." I did, and ate my pancakey heart out, which is very hard to do, seeing that I eat them at least twice a week, but these Founding Farmers cakes may just take that cake itself. Best pancake ever? The carrot cake one caused me to do something not meant to happen at 9 on a friday. The red velvet were win for most colorful cake, but that bacon.....well I described it and you can maybe fathom its mouth watering fatty salty sweetness.
D'em Nationals. Bryce Harper, Jordan Zimmerman, the One, the Only Adam L - A - R - O -C - H - E. The park itself is nothing spectacular, besides the awesome sports bar in left field, the chili dogs, and the views of the Capitol and Potomac. I've never seen a "booze cart" at a sporting event, but this park is jacked full of Jack. If you've got ridiculous cash to spend on ballpark liquor, then more power to ya, cause once I've reached that point in my life, I'm calling it quits.  To see Bryce Harper play was great, even though he didn't do a whole lot, and screaming and making up an Adam LaRoche chant on a whim, slightly disturbing those in front of me was definitely a good time.

So, I know tubed meat has a plethora of sexual puns, jokes, and dual meanings to it. The whole meat packing process (yea there you go) is quite hands-on (yep uh huh). But must you make it so obvious Nationals Park? I know it runs with the theme of Congressmen and pages, but really? "Senators Sausages" is about as much a given as the real thing. Plus you had  Nats Dogs, Taste of the Majors, and Pop Fly Popcorn. I didn't even have to work for the jokes or self-chuckles. If the Nationals are trying to keep me awake during the game, then I guess they are at least doing me a service, much like that Senators Sausage.

It's quite sad to think this DC excursion is almost over. Of course I'll be back, as this is the locus of political power. But, I have covered a good amount of ground, and will "hit it hard" (no not the Senators Sausage, I had enough of that last Wednesday--see Nationals Park, too easy) on the DC scene. I have to at least drink something fancy in a place I don't belong, eat a Cuban, and go to a Pittsburgh Bar outside of the 'Burgh. Not to mention I haven't had my weekly G-town ice cream in a while....well no rush, its going to be bearable (meaning low 90s) this week, and after today, which didn't break 75 degrees, I am rearing to go for another week! As long as I don't get a Taste of the Majors from Nats Dogs from Nats Pop Fly. Seriously Nationals Park, at least make me think!

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